To the like ten people who actually read this blog on a regular basis, if you’re still there… you might have wondered what happened to me, and why I suddenly stopped posting.
Well, I started reviewing games back in 2015 with the intent of reviewing all the games on steam that I owned. But I didn’t really take it very seriously. It was more of an excuse to just write about games that I liked more than anything else. Later that year my girlfriend and I broke up, and do to an entire slew of reasons I was just fucked up by the entire thing. For years. In many ways I feel like I’ve just now gotten over it all.
At the time though, I poured myself into this website, and wrote something like 46 reviews in 52 weeks back in 2016… Before getting completely blown out by Broforce.
“I don’t want to do this anymore” I said to myself.
I was burnt out on reviews, I hated my job, I hated my boss, I hated my situation… For most of 2016 I used this as something to take my mind off of everything else. I considered it “building a portfolio”. As if I wanted to be a scum sucking video game journalist later on. But, it doesn’t hurt to have hope… Hope is what sustains.
I was forcing myself to do something that relatively few people were reading. I would spend hours each week on written, and even sometimes video content that, while I was proud of – no one saw. It was discouraging. So I stopped… Then I went and took some very taxing technical classes – and ended up just getting entirely burnt out. To be honest, It sucked ass to spend 50 hours on a review and to watch it get 30 views over the course of three months. But I also couldn’t bring myself to shill my website, so it was a self defeating cycle.
In 2016, I got a total of 1,244 visitors, and 1,639 page views. Meanwhile I was spending probably at least 30 hours a week on the site. Eventually it just started to suck all the fun out of everything I did. And thus I said “fuck it” and stopped worrying about it.
I still feel kind of guilty about it. More so like I betrayed myself than anyone else.
During mid to late 2017 I ended up finding a particular thread on 4chan, where people would make little videos called “bumps” wherein they would emulate the old commercial bumpers from Adult Swim. Weird and fun shit like this.
I ended up making one; I figured I would put my video editing skills to work. I liked it, it was freeing in a way. So I made some more. Found some success in that the people in the thread liked what I had made. So I ended up making more…. A lot more. Over a hundred more.
And now I’m deep in this community, and consider many of the members to be close friends of mine. This is what I’ve been doing since 2017, more or less. We make some cool stuff, if I do say so myself.
I even made a playlist of all the songs we’ve used… Or at least all the ones I could identify.
I still try to make things for this website… Although I haven’t really written a review in over a year if not more. I don’t think I’m interested in that anymore.
I would rather make video content, but I don’t know exactly what yet. Perhaps things more akin to what Rabbit’s Respawn does. I would also like to give my hand at one of those obnoxiously naval gazing video essays that are all the rage these days.
I’m… not sure that my days of reviewing are over. But I don’t know if I really care to sit down and write out paragraphs of text that one person other than myself will ever read. I would much rather make videos that I can at least watch myself. Without the critical component to them, it’s much easier to enjoy. Because then I made them for myself, and not for the nebulous “other” that never appreciates them.
The two things I regret most in regards to this website are never reviewing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain, and Brigador.
Maybe I’ll make videos giving my unscripted thoughts on them some day.
If you’ve actually been reading this for the five or so years I’ve had it, then I want to say thank you. If you somehow stumbled across this via whatever paths have taken you here, thank you as well.
It means a lot.