October, 27th, 2015
Hours Played: 10
Last played 12/16/14
Teleglitch: It’s like Doom’s Rouge-like cousin
Teleglitch is an interesting game in that it has a really cool sci-fi premise, a beautiful ‘retro-esque’ appearance that harkens back to the PS1, and is a combination of horrifyingly hard and incredibly rewarding.
The problem is it’s really slow and takes way too long to complete. Infact, I’ve never gotten past level five. There are ten levels, by the way. On top of that, I’ve only made it to level five… once!
Now by themselves, these are not bad things nor are they deal breakers. I happen to love hard games and Rogue-likes. And while I do like Teleglitch… I just don’t want to have to have to wade through it.
let me explain:
The game has very large, sprawling, randomly generated levels. Filled to the brim with mutants, zombies, and micro-chipped soldiers that are very literally waiting to rip you limb from limb on sight. Sounds pretty standard, so far. But, the thing that’s tough is that if you want to do well you have to traverse the entirety of the level to find hidden health and weapons. Otherwise you’re going to have to fight hundreds of zombies and mutants with nothing but a knife and a few explosives. Did I mention that the levels are really freakin’ huge? Cause they’re huge.
It takes me probably ten to fifteen minutes to fully explore the first level being careful not to die and being sure to try and find everything I need before moving on. That’s if I don’t die.
‘Cause I die a lot in this game. There are so many damn mutants roaming this decrepit facility that every encounter is you versus about five or more at a time. And these assholes are fast. They’re also really damn strong too. One hit takes away about two hp, which admittedly doesn’t seem like much, except they can hit you about ten times before you can kill them if you don’t know what you’re doing. It takes two or three hits with a knife to kill one mutant, and you will definitely get hurt while slicing them to death, I guarantee it.
Sadly the guns you find in the first few areas don’t help much either. It still takes two shots from the 9mm pistol to kill just one enemy. Hopefully you don’t miss either, cause the guns aren’t all that accurate… Also the ammo for said guns is pretty scarce. Irritatingly so. Encounters can go from, “I got this!” to “The contents of my veins are smeared all over the floor!” incredibly fast. 0 to dead in four seconds flat…
That is not to say that Teleglitch isn’t fun. It very much can be fun. But, most of the time it feels like a slow march to my grave. I bitterly fight to get to level 4 and then get jumped by dudes who have guns as they murder me off screen.
There’s nothing worse than trying to sort through my inventory, minding my own business, while unbeknownst to me a death squad as silently rolled up behind me and begins gunning me down from the edge of the screen. I was doing so well too…
I love a challenge… I just don’t find that Teleglitch plays fair.
There are so many ways for everything to go wrong, and very, very few ways for things to go right. Maybe I’m just bad.
This game, at its best, is thrilling, action packed, dark, oppressive, and fun. It’s not afraid to make you work for your victory, or to let you sit in the quiet desperately checking every corner.
At its worst, it’s a long walk to your own death. Slowly marching through long hallways and being whittled down into a greasy puddle.
I will mention that once you reach certain levels– I believe 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9– you have the option of starting there, instead of climbing your way to the top. However, in my experience the gear that you start with is not as good as if you had started from scratch and made sure to collect everything yourself.
I find it harder to start from the checkpoints than to start from the beginning…
Teleglitch is a really interesting game. It has an amazing premise, a great world, and is genuinely scary. I just think that it is too difficult for it’s own good. Perhaps it’s just a perception on my part, but slowly making my way through four levels only to die in a three seconds encounter hurts. It’s worse when you realize it took your close to forty-five minutes. My main complaint with Teleglitch is that it just takes too long…
If you really like Rogue-likes, I would recommend it! However, this game is REALLY niche in my opinion. Unless this game speaks to you at a fundamental level, I would pick it up on sale.
Perhaps I’m just bad! Give it a shot if you’re interested. But be warned, this game is a jerk.
Note: the game available on Steam is the Die More Edition. The developers went back and re-tuned the game making it harder, while adding additional content. I don’t believe that it is possible to purchase the original. So for all intents and purposes, Teleglitch: DME is the base experience.